Less Than Cake

Last night we were watching poopy Ohio State play Penn State and wondering just how old Joe Pa was now. So I googled it. For the unelightened, Joe Pa is the head coach in the other happy valley. You know, the one in State College, Pennslyvania. And he is older than dirt. What? There's more than one happy valley? Devastating, I know.

So Joe Pa is your grandpa. And he coaches football. Great retirement plan. Per Google Grandpa Paterno is going on 81. But there most be some debate over his current state of mortality - check out the third result.

Is the ageless Paterno the new sponsor for DeadorAliveInfo.com? And does he still get royalty checks after he dies? Compelling questions indeed. Answers are needed. Where's Jack Bauer when you need him? We're running out of time.