Less Than Cake

This is a cross between Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck if..." and David Letterman's Top Ten List.

5 Things You Probably Didn't Know... About My Dad

5. He has to vacuum before we begin the Christmas Eve Festivities.

It has become a tradition. Before the Christmas story is read, before any presents are opened, and before the annual Christmas Eve movie is unwrapped and watched, my Dad insists on vacuuming the entire house. Why? Only he can answer that. After a few years of this we wised up and got the vacuuming done long before he would get around to it - this prevented any delays in opening the presents.


4. When the water comes water the grass he must.

My dad is hooked into the irrigation ditch via the neighbors pump. When the pumps starts churning my dad ensures the sprinklers are optimally positioned in the yard. Someday when he arrives at St. Peter's Gate he will have some serious explaining to do when questioned about all that watering he did on those lazy Sunday afternoons.

3. He is down with Marshall Mathers?

One year on the way home from the monthly Smith FHE held in Boise, he decided to turn up the volume on a hit song - by Eminem. That's right, after a wholesome FHE our Ford Windstar was bumpin' to My Name Is. On a side note my mom was not impressed.

2. My dad collects computers.

You've likely driven by the neighbor with the trashy yard and 3 or 4 jalopies suffocated by weeds. Someday this neighbor is going to get some good use out of those perfectly good automobiles, or so he thinks. That's my dad's mentality with computers - currently he has 4 or 5 computers, two of which are used, and someday he is going to get some good use out of those screaming Pentium III's running Windows 98 Second Edition.

1. If my dad had an obsession and this obsession had a name, we would call it 24.

He loves Fox's hit show 24. We left him home alone once and when we got home he was sitting in the dark, with the rocking chair 24 inches from the TV, piping the sound through the stereo full blast watching 24. After we borrowed the first four seasons of 24 on DVD he was frequently caught viewing an episode around the same time the newspaper was delivered. Nothing like a Jack Bauer killing spree before breakfast.